Women who have suffered through family violence are wanting to talk, according to Safe Hands seminar organizer, Leanne Cutler.

“No matter where I was promoting the event, on each occasion at least one person approached me with their story,” she said. “Fortunately, most of their experiences were in the past but the effects are life long and they just wanted someone who understood to listen.”

It was a privilege for me to meet and hopefully the Safe Hands initiative can help these women have a voice and move forward.  One person, in particular, wanted to write about family violence and did so after a woman in her community died as a result of family violence.  Here’s is her heartfelt message provided anonymously for her security’s sake.

I did not know Teresa Bradford, but I understand her hurt and fear from two months ago when the police were called to the domestic violence situation at her home.  I understand the relief of knowing her husband was locked away, giving her some small amount of hope for a normal existence with her children.  

I understand the helplessness of not having enough money to leave the rental property that was her home, to go somewhere he would not find her. 

I understand that this goes on far too often, and that police resources are pushed to the limit when it comes to helping in these situations. 

I have known the feeling to be so scared that someone you know, who is the father of your children, could be so enraged that they would want to harm you and destroy your world.  

I have known the promise of walking out of court holding a piece of paper that is supposed to protect you. 

I have known the feeling of desperation that the piece of paper awarded to you like a shield will not save you from abuse, mental or physical, and that it certainly will not save your life. 

I did not know Teresa Bradford but on hearing the news of her death I felt sad, then bitterly angry, and now sick to the pit of my stomach.  I felt sad for her family and friends, angry that another person has lost their life because someone stuffed up thinking they know better, and sick because “there but for the grace of God go I”.  The simple difference was that after being assaulted she had gone to the police and they had pressed charges.  I never did, for fear of the repercussions.  

I was neither brave nor stupid….it was simply a matter of survival.  I had few friends who were aware of the situation, because my husband was controlling and cunning, and had distanced me from most of the ones I had known before meeting him.

Since Teresa Bradford’s death, there has been a lot of talk from lots of people throughout the community vowing that things must change to protect victims of domestic violence, but only time will tell what change that will be.  It is all too easy to talk the talk. 

This morning I heard David Bradford’s lawyer do just that.  He stated that “he thought the decision to grant bail was appropriate in the circumstances, Mr Bradford didn’t have any criminal history, this was a single incident.”  

It may have all happened on the one day, but the police had charged him with not one, but four serious offences.  He also made comment that there were no independent witnesses.  Well you see, there very rarely are any.  

That is how they get away with it, and the bruises are where they won’t easily be seen.  The offender will usually charm everyone with their sweet talk, while the victim goes along with it to avoid further abuse.  

They will not ask for help through pride or shame or fear, and often the threat of violence is also aimed towards the children, other family members and even to pets and property.

If you know or even suspect someone is being abused, encourage them to confide in their GP or someone outside this circle of friends.  Maybe even offer your phone for them to make contact with refuges or the police, because trust me, the offender will be checking who the victim has been calling on their phone. 

I do not have all the answers, but I know that no woman should have to flee her home and hide for the rest of her life.

I know that no child should suffer the loss of their mother at the hands of their father.

I know that a violent offender, first time or otherwise should have to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that they are not a threat to anyone before being released on bail. 

I know that this is not likely to be the last time I am incensed over another horrendous incident of domestic violence.

I know that on average in Australia at least one woman a week is killed by a partner or former partner.

I did not know Teresa Bradford, but I hope and pray she be the last.

Anyone wishing to view the seminar on Facebook may visit:

https://www.facebook.com/leanne.cutler/videos/10155958447058411/